Skin Colored Yoga pants Virginia

November 19, 2020
West Virginia s Jaysean Paige

Meet Montana State Rep. David “Doc” Moore (R-1860)! Last August, State Rep. David Moore saw a naked bike ride, and he clutched his pearls so hard they spilt out all over the floor, and then he tripped on one and died. Then, he came back to life and decided to make it his life’s mission to make the state of Montana just a little less sexy.

Moore is currently advancing a bill which would ban certain kinds of risqué clothing illegal in the state, including beige clothing and yoga pants.

The proposal would expand indecent exposure law to include any nipple exposure, including men’s, and any garment that “gives the appearance or simulates” a person’s buttocks, genitals, pelvic area or female nipple.

The Republican from Missoula said tight-fitting beige clothing could be considered indecent exposure under his proposal.

Yoga pants should be illegal in public anyway, ” Moore said after the hearing.

Moore said he wouldn’t have a problem with people being arrested for wearing provocative clothing but that he’d trust law enforcement officials to use their discretion. He couldn’t be sure whether police would act on that provision or if Montana residents would challenge it.

“I don’t have a crystal ball, ” Moore said.

DAMN. I guess I just won’t wear my famous nipple hat the next time I am in Montana. I assume the beige clothing thing is because one time he thought he saw someone who was pantsless, but they were in fact wearing beige pants and does not ever want to relive such a trauma again? I also assume that he specified beige clothing as opposed to “skin-colored” clothing, because black people only make up 0.4% of the entire state.

When Rep. Virginia Court (D-Billings) suggested that the bill was just a tinge sexist, Moore informed her that he didn’t want to see dudes in Speedos, either, so there. Not sexist.

However, Walt Hill, a retired professor living in Missoula totally supports the bill, stating “I want Montana to be known as a decent state where people can live within the security of laws and protect their children and associates from degrading and indecent practices. I believe this bill is written preserving that reputation.”

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